The Pursuit of Happiness

The Pursuit of Happiness

This blog post is not about yarn or knitting or anything really fibre related.  It's about  me, wrapped in a cozy blanket, hot chocolate nearby and feeling utterly contented with life.

To be honest, I didn't realise that I was utterly contented with life until this weekend.  It isn't something that I regularly spend time thinking about. I knew specific things like that I was enjoying a specific moment, like the first early morning snow fall, or a class, a project, or someone's company but I didn't realise that all of these things were part of an overall picture of what "happy" looked like.  I didn't know that such a thing was even attainable for me.  I'm sure like lots of people, I imagined that I would be happy once I had accomplished something.  When I finished the book I keep putting off writing, when I became fully bilingual, when I quit my day job or when I finally let go of all of life's little (and sometimes big) hurts.  I have done none of these things.  I still haven't cracked that book open, I'm working on the bilingual thing slowly, my day job seems like it's going to be torturing me for the foreseeable future and some days I'm better at letting go then on others. 

Then on Sunday, scrolling through Instagram I saw one of my top ten favourite annual events going down, #GETYOURYARNWISHESGRANTED. OH BOY!! The excitement was immediate.  I know that it's real when I go from sitting on the couch to kneeling on the couch, like this new position is gonna help my thumbs type that much faster.  I was good to go... and then I was stumped.  What did I want? Yarn? Nope.  The yarn wall is getting out of control and I barely have time to knit with RSBSY, nevermind anything else.  Notions? Pins? Project bags? Nope.  I briefly toyed with patterns and then I realised, I'm also pretty satisfied with my library right now.  This was super weird.  I really wanted for nothing?  I started poking around the rest of my life.  What do I want? What do I want?  I want to win the lottery.  Of course I do.  But if I didn't, am I ok with my life right now?  The answer, remarkably, was a resounding HELL YA!!

When did this happen?  I actually have absolutely no idea.  If you had told me this was where I would be a little more than a year ago, I would have told you you were nuts and then I would have told myself to duck because as soon as you're happy, life will take a swipe at you.  Now I'm mostly just... curious. And I've embraced a different philosophy on life.  It doesn't take swipes, it presents an opportunity for growth.  It might look like heart ache and work but it's really a gift.  Find the lesson thats going to make you grow and then throw yourself at it with everything you've got.  Unhappiness comes from resisting, from trying to stay the same when life wants you to bloom.

Recently I've found myself doing a lot of different things that I've always wanted to do but always had a thousand excuses for not pursuing - like taking a cupcake decorating class rather than stay at home and watch Netflix, taking a photography class even though it was a little on the pricier side.  It's starting to feel like I'm putting tiny pieces of a puzzle together that I don't have a full picture of.  In the past this would have made me nuts! You gotta have a plan so you can measure your success, I thought.  I've surrendered my plans.  They only ever made me feel like I was I was falling behind.  Instead, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing: cramming my days full of stuff I love and trusting my intuition.  I can't see what it is yet but I get the sense that something big is coming.  I'm super excited but, for the first time ever, I'm also happy enjoying the anticipation.

If I could have one wish granted, this would be it: for you all to be happy just where you are right now.  If you want to grant it to me, take a sec to think of something in your day that's going to make your bones melt from happiness when you finally get to do it (taking off your bra or crawling into bed TOTALLY count) or do something unexpected for yourself for no other reason than because it'll bring joy to your day. Play hooky!  Eat chocolate cake! Or on the flip side, choose that healthy thing that's going to make you feel like a boss for hours.  Feel free to tell me that you granted my wish or keep it to yourself.  I'm gonna tell myself you all did it anyway.

That's all for me folks. Until next week, PEACE to you and your family and happy knitting!! I love you all.

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2 comments

What an awesome post! I have been (and most of the time stay) in the place that you are now. It is more than a moment; more like a perspective on life. It was a very brave thing to share (I could never have put it into words as well as you.) Thank you. And relaxing later with some yarn & needles will be the icing on my day.

Dari T

It took me along time to learn that it’s okay to have things okay ( aka no drama). I work best with reward so even on my mail route ( I get to deliver yarn sometimes too!) I reward myself with a chai tea latte every time I get through a particular session in a set time. But my favourite is sitting on my couch with my feet in my massage thing a glass of red my knitting and the warmth of my two dogs beside me. ( they have lerned not on me when mom has needles out!)

Marcia Parker

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